20 SOMETHING

Currently I’m living in Murrieta, CA in a 3 bedroom apartment with my Mother, Step-Father, Step-Fathers Father, My 15 year old brother (we he’s not at Dad’s house), And my bonsai plant (the only thing the same day to day in my life). The Love of my life is in Klamath Falls, OR and currently, finds me to be an asshole, which gives me great sadness as my calls are forwarded to voice mail and my text are answered with one or two word phrases. I go to work each day with the hope I get to hear the sounds of home. Or talk to my beagle “Charlie” on the phone/ web cam. I work twelve or more hours per day six or seven days a week, hoping that the summer with melt by quicker so that i may be home and stop living out of suit cases. It’s been four weeks since I’ve been “Home,” and i purchased my plane ticket to go home this Thursday and was excited to see my love. I had originally planned on flying into the Klamath Airport on Thursday, surprising her because I would have told her that I was flying in on Friday. We had a misunderstanding, so now she knows and I’m not a surprise, I just hope she is excited to see me. Who am I kidding, but it will be nice to see her. She told me told that I don’t really love her…How does one prove love? I have to figure it out…

Meanwhile I’m sitting on the sofa listening to my Mother and Step-Father yelling about this and that, nothing of any real importance. Example from earlier today; Mother sat in the living room grabbed the TV/ cable remote and the volume wasn’t working. She started complaining in a snapping tone and my Step-Dad attempted to fix it and did (saying there you go), Mother took it as he was making fun of her, and they yelled/ Screamed there two words and then Mom went into her room (turning on her music load, while pretending to do something productive. Step-Dad attempted to help in the productivity, Mother and Step-Father had a disagreement again and Step-Father stormed out of the house and mother turned the music up loader. WTF Two hours later Step-Dad comes back is here five minutes and there back and yelling…holy shit! Is there something wrong with me for finding these events disturbing?

I haven’t lived with my parents for four years and I’m drowning…Yet not even the love of my life hears me screaming for help. The moment I start drowning everyone runs out as if its a fire and I’m all alone without a life guard in the pool with no bottom…THIS IS ME ASKING FOR UNDERSTANDING

I’m not sure if I should delete this or post